Well I have finally put pen to paper over the Christmas period and thought I 'd give you summat to read during this cold, miserable time. I decided against seperate Threads for seperate days and apologise in advance if it gets a "bit too fookin long"..tuff..So go get yasself some drinks and food supplies and read on...
You may also deduce that I enjoyed this trip a bit.......
.
.
.
.
Well the Big day had finally arrived, Friday September 5th.
After waiting 12 months since my first visit to The Nurburgring, the time had finally come to pay another visit. Everything had been packed for the last two days, bike primed and fuelled….like waiting for Christmas!
So it was up early to another day of terrible weather, gale force winds and torrential rain.
What another bloody Summer, surely it can’t stay like this? 
Aj arrived from Worcester at lunchtime…absolutely soaked.
After drying off before demolishing a big plate of chips we set off up the M1 to Ferrybridge. A Beemer was keeping up with us but stayed well back. As we turned off the M1 slip road, the grey and red Beemer pulled alongside…I could see the rider had a wide grin on his face..he nodded, I nodded…and as ya do I said “How do - going to the ‘Ring?” “Yeah!” he replied. Spooky eh. Turned out that it was TrckyR6, a mate of Sisco and Jack. Small world innit. Here we go....it's started already.. 
We duly arrived at Ferrybridge where we met everyone else except for Smileymiley who had anticipated the treacherous weather and set off to Hull from Melton Mowbray early on in the day. He was holed up in a Café in Hull. On to Hull, picked up Smileymiley and pulled in to the Ferry terminal entrance. ..and still the rain beat down. But at least we were at the Ferry and were just a few minutes away from a change into dry clothes and a warm bar with cold beer !!.,.Or were we?
There seemed to be a hold up at the Ticket Kiosk. The biatch insisted that aj had already boarded in Zeebrugger and was now sat on the Ferry across the water waiting to come back to the U.K.!!!!..and his Bird too. She didn’t seem to be fazed that aj was actually stood in front of her being restrained from strangling her good self.
“The computer says no!” After much explaining over and over and a number of phone calls, she had to admit that yep, the bloke in front of her with the correct documents and the bike with the correct number plate was in actual fact aj and that there was no bloke in Zeebrugger called aj…well not until next week anyway! “There’s been a booking error by our staff…sorry!” So it hadn’t been a fook up by me as people had been thinking after all. Phew!With time ticking away we were worried we wouldn’t make the ferry and finally boarded 10 minutes before we sailed. What a feeling once we’d strapped the bikes down and stood in the pouring rain watching us leave the dock…Whoopeee, we’re on our way.
Our cabin was a bit cramped…me, PC Doc, Smileymiley and aj sharing…..well it was only for a night and the price reduction was huge so we couldn’t moan.
A relaxing evening followed, plenty to drink, no rush and to top it all Smileymiley brought two huge Melton Mowbray pork pies and a jar of mature White Stilton
….my favourite….coupled with the sarnies I fetched, the Ferry prices were avoided.
A short alcohol induced deep sleep followed and then it was time to get kitted up and off the Ferry.
Jack, Sisco, Axeman, TrickyR6 and the rest went their own way as they had to fuel up. Us, hah, we weren’t hanging about, we’d fuelled up in Blighty…so off we went. What was supposed to have been a straightforward West to East motorway blat finishing off with a nice bit of twisties to whet the appetite, turned into a Masterclass of Garmin/Operator inadequacies.
This route turned into a Saturday Afternoon Tour de Europe!. Everything was going O.K. other than the odd sharp right turn off the odd motorway junction, until Brussels was passed then it turned to sheeiyte. After aj failed to shake us off with a deft last second turn off the Motorway, we then proceeded South and then gently turned and headed west for quite some time ! Oh how I fookin laughed as we rode towards the English Channel still in our wet clothing. Then we turned south…”Oh look, there’s Liege Airport on our right”….then we rode North…”Oh look there’s Liege Airport on our left”. Still, we stuck together and eventually we straightened up and were back on an easterly direction. After the halfway point we turned off the motorway somewhere…”Oh feck….I can feel a shortcut coming on” 
Once through a few lovely villages the route deteriorated into narrow country lanes, forest roads, 
loosely gravelled fookin off-roading stuff
…..and still we soldiered on.
We eventually got to the Hotel at about 6.00 p.m.Saturday…a nice steady 9 hour fookin Bimble.
A quick unpack and a glance from the balcony
at the track and so it was up to the trackside to have a look at the “stuff” on the ‘Ring…Awesome, that’s all I can say, and quite busy tonight too...
…..and we managed to get Wobbs snapped as he came riding past too.
Time was marching on so after a quick shower we all bundled into a Minibus and were whisked up to Casa Bodmin and Britta for a wonderful barbeque and a drink or two.. What a wonderful home they have in beautiful countryside and accommodation to rent too….You can even see some of the Nurburgring from the house..and as for Britta…well Bodmin must be hung like a donkey….Thanks for a wonderful evening.
Too soon it was time to leave for the hotel and we didn’t take much rocking tonight. Roll on tomorrow , we’re going up to the Ring which opens at 1.00 p.m.
Well, I was wide awake at 05.30. So I showered, dressed and had a walk about…up to the track and just taking in the early morning forest air. What a wonderful place this is. At 06.30 I thought “bugger it”- the weather was dry so I changed and took the Bird out for a ride up to the ‘Ring Centre…just to have a look.
The road up to the ‘Ring from the Hotel is in itself fantastic, uphill with loads of tight twisties . Got to the ‘Ring expecting it to be “dead” but there were a few Officials knocking about. “’Scuse me Signor….what time do you ouvre?” “Eight o’clock mein moosh”!..I looked around… I was the only person there! Pinching myself, I shot off to the Ticket Office and bought myself 4 laps. I couldn’t believe my luck – so at 07.55 here I am first in the “queue” ( what queue?). 
Parked in front of a non-existant queue and at 8 o’clock prompt the barrier came up and I was first on the Nurburgring ….Whooooo Hoooooo! Nice and dry too. This is the stuff of dreams. Nice ‘n’ steady, there’s no rush and no pressure and nobody to see how slow you go on the Worlds most famous/infamous race track……By now the “queue” had doubled in size
….me followed by an old red Merc…Off I set, up the long “straight, no pressure from behind….I opened her up…”Oh joy…..the best bike in the world on the best road in the world…ridden by me, a fookin Riding God…Oh Christ this is faster than fast”… and at the first sharp right hander at the Pits I errrr overcooked things and ran off onto the cobbles….as I backed up onto the track the red Merc caught me up and as they drifted ‘round the right hander with wheels squealing I could see the passenger making some sort of “wanker” hand signal for want of a better word. Dunno what all that was about! 
Once I rejoined the track I then proceeded to have the time of my life…. I did two laps back to back having a ball on the second lap with a Hyabusa,
even did the Carousel…and shouted out loud ( as advised!). Also had enough time to take in the awesome scenery. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Then, heeding voices of experience, after the second lap I decided to rest, 
a coffee or two, come to my senses, and savour the moment. I can’t believe how knackering it is. Before I could get out for another lap it had started drizzling very lightly…that was me finished for this session. I was happy with what I’d got. I spotted a couple of Brits with Porsches we’d earlier met on the Ferry and who had hinted that I could blag a lap with one of them. 
Yep, they said I’d still be O.K. for a lap..but it would have to be later on as the rain was by now, getting too bad. I’m ‘aving a ball and I aint even got to breakfast time yet!
So, I took a long way back to the Hotel as I’d searched out some viewing points for a later date.
Back to a full German breakfast, bore them all with my “heroics”
..and to stuff my pockets for Ron ( lateron)….a foraging exercise aj and I learned off Marathon Man and his cycling companions in France earlier on in the year….but that’s another story. On my return I found that Smileymiley was quite a bit under the weather, the past two days exertions in terrible weather had caught up with him. To be honest he looked bloody awful. Also, aj’s back was giving him some serious grief. The weather had by now deteriorated, so some of us decided to just have a ride up to a few of the famous viewing places for the Nurburgring., leaving the two crocks at the Hotel.On our return, aj and Smileymiley had perked up a bit as had the weather, so with myself and PC Doc in tow we did a local bimble….The roads really are superb out here….trouble was by the time we’d returned and called in at the ‘Ring, the Brit with the Porsche had left due to the weather…so my chance of a ride in a “fast” car had disappeared……Or so I thought!
Sunday evening was spent in the local Italian across the road with a lovely Brit couple that the Crew have known for some time, Mary and Mick….Mary having done over 200 laps of the ‘Ring, a lot of them on her R1……respect!
After only a few drinks I didn’t take much rocking tonight again.Monday morning I was again up with the birds….I’d got the taste of the ‘Ring and wanted more. Just didn’t want to waste any daylight NOT on the ‘Bird in this fantastic area. The ‘Ring was, according to the Calendar, not due to open to the Public until 1.00p.m., but after yesterdays nice surprise I thought I’d have a ride up and suss the place out again. Today was a lovely dry early Autumn day and not a soul about when I set off. On arriving at the ‘Ring I saw a few trailers in the car parks…sides down and loads of tyres in them. I asked a few of the peeps there what time did the ‘Ring open to the public today and was told it didn’t! Well at least not until 5.30p.m.!
Why?…because a tvat called Aston Martin had booked the ‘Ring for the day at late notice and at a cost of £50,000, and he would be running his cars and his cars only on the track all fookin day! ( Fifty thousand quid?…Hmmmmm, that’s a hundred of us chipping in £500 each to have the ‘Ring all day…any takers?).
So, it was back to the Hotel with the news. By now the Aston Martins had started to drive around the ‘Ring and we watched them as they came down the hill out of the forest and past the Hotel…bloody awesome, that’s all I can say….the sound and spectacle of these cars being given their rein was unbelievable. But with aj chomping at the bit to get out on a “proper” Bimble around South Germany and parts of Luxembourg and France (before tea) we decided to head over to Cochem and down the Moselle Valley. Unfortunately Smileymiley looked even worse that he did the day before, and so we left him alone to recover.
The “gentle” ride down to Cochem is just wonderful, the road quality superb and sweeping giggling bend after bend. Glorious. A few of us stopped at a viewing point above Cochem .
As we drank in the scenery we could here a Blackbird in the distance, “nailing” it back uphill from Cochem towards us. We waited and sure enough a Bird came flying around a beautiful bend towards us….”It’s that coont….aj”….we waved…he was totally oblivious as he flew past us……He disappeared into the distance and we took some more photos. Then we heard a Blackbird “nailing” it back towards us. “I bet it’s that coont again”….It was….this time I ran to the side of the road and waved as he hit the bend and passed me just feet away….Nope, not a fookin thing…the man was in heaven with these twisties.
From Cochem it was down the picture postcard Moselle Valley where we stopped at a lovely café at Alf
…Same as last year, strudel and cream followed by a Power Nap…after a little fookin dog tried to bite my fingers off!
The return journey from Alf took us up a long twisting valley that got steeper and tighter as we climbed..it really is fantastic, and even though I’d only been on it once and that was a year ago, I remembered a hell of a lot of it which made it even more enjoyable. With PC Doc and his box of tricks on his Rocket he got quite a bit of video footage of this part of the run too.
We made our way back and called in at the ‘Ring to have a quick look at the Astons.
Parking at the Ring Centre we watched as they came down the final straight and passed by our heads in excess of 200 mph. Now, I have never seen or heard anything go as fast as this and to be so close to them was absolutely fantastic. There must have been about 6 or 8 Aston Martins altogether, some in racing colours, some as standard, and to watch them appearing in the distance coming towards you and then sucking ya heads through the fencing as they flew past was better than a blow job, well alright better than a Cadburys Twirl. The sound of these cars gave me goose bumps as they went down the straight. We enjoyed it that much we decided to go and watch from a “new” viewing point I’d recced on Sunday morning. This viewing spot was the Dogs’,
just below the “S’s” and we spent half the afternoon watching them cornering on three and sometimes two wheels.
We had a ball and this place is in the memory bank for an afternoons BBQ next year. We headed back to the Hotel for a quick freshen up and returned to the ‘Ring ready for when it opened. Trouble was that with the restricted opening time the place had become very, very busy, queues of cars and bikes all ‘round the Car park. I got a bit wary of it as it had been a long day already and initially decided that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to go on. Wobbs and aj were chomping at the bit and were off as soon as it opened,
On their return I changed my mind ( foolishly), and followed them back on. Sure enough, even though I had the time of my life I almost fooked up on a bad S bend,
notorious for fook ups, mishaps and misjudgements…it nearly bit me, but I survived. The rest of the lap was taken at a very sedate pace, more in line with my speed of thinking after a long day.With the lap finished I said that’s it for me.
On the way down to where the bikes were parked, I spotted a little “old” Irish bloke who had earlier spoken to us and had introduced himself as Sean. He had mistaken PC Doc for someone he knew and we’d then had a bit of a chat with him. As I passed him I said “ Which one’s yours then Sean?” as we looked at all the cars parked in front of us. He pointed to his left at an Orange Porsche GT3 and said “Dis one”.
He then pointed to his right at a White Porsche GT2 and said “…and dat one”
In for a Penny, in for a Pound I said to myself. “Any chance of a lap in one of them Sean?”
“Yea, no problem. Ya going to the Hotel for some food yea? Come back up when you’ve eaten and we’ll fix you up in one or the other”
Half an hour later and I’m back in the Car Park looking for my bestest Irish mate in all the world. Sure enough he’s there. “Hello der Tim, here’s my son Sean-Paul. Sean-Paul, take Tim on a lap in the GT2” I couldn’t believe my luck.
What followed was better than sex on all of the Alton Towers Rides put together. Terrifyingly exhilaratingly fabulous.
Strapped into the GT2 and helmeted up, as soon as he floored it and my head hit the rest and pressed against it I thought “Aww fook”….When the car drifted ‘round a bike and a car at the Pits I thought “Aw fook , stop”. When we went down the Esses with either of the front wheels in the air and back ones squealing, I gripped very tightly, thought “Aw fook I wannna stop and get out and know I can’t so fookin enjoy as he obviously knows what he’s doing or he’d have been dead by now ”
....…which is what I did for the next 5 or 10 minutes. The power in that car was amazing, the G forces stronger than owt at Alton Towers….and talk about fookin giggling. The bloke overtook everything…We flew past Wobbs and aj at one stage as though they were doing 30 mph. I couldn’t even raise my two fingers to the window to “rod them”.
I committed what I later found out to be a Cardinal sin by trying to talk to Sean-Paul as he drove, but did find out that he was a Pro-Racer and raced on the ‘Ring regularly. Fook can these guys drive, they’re on a different planet they really are. No fear whatsoever. I would never have believed that a car could go so fast around corners and the acceleration was something to behold. When I got out I felt like chucking the Bird keys in the bin and walking back. Awesome driving!
That was the icing on a wonderful day. After that it was back to the Hotel for a meal, a few drinks and a bloody good laff….the perfect end to an absolutely perfect day.
Tuesday came and what a glorious morning this was…the weather forecast was cock on with this day. Beautiful blue sky right from the start.
What to do today? Choices, choices !
Smileymiley was back in the Land of the Living today, some of us were knackered, some just wanted to chill and some wanted to get out and ride.
Aj and Smileymiley decided to head towards the Rhine and the Black Forest. After waving them off the rest of us chilled, wandered into Adenau town which is a lovely place and generally soaked up the sun in wonderful surroundings. We also hung around the track watching the fantastic variety of vehicles racing around the ‘Ring. By late morning we’d geared up and headed off on a closer run as some of us had one eye on the ‘Ring later on in the day. We wanted to see some more of this lot...
With Ladybird leading we had a gorgeous lazy bimble up to Alltenahr,
then up through some beautiful meandering quiet valley lanes before going up a series of fabulous twisties and then over lovely rolling “tops” to a village/town called Badmunstereifel, on the way passing a giant radio telescope at a place called Effelsberg…
.just what the doctor ordered! Dropping down a valley we stopped at a “Pub” in a village called Kirchsahr for refreshments and a bit of sun worshipping. This had been the hottest and best weather we had seen all bloody year.
It was so bloody peaceful and silent out there…until some bugger fired up a Rocket ..a Triumph Rocket.!
We left quickly, making our way back towards Nurburg village itself as we wanted to have a look at the Castle. We wondered how aj and Smileymiley were getting on and had they reached the Russian Steppes yet.We got there and decided to climb the castle tower and boy were we glad we did. Words just about fail me as to the fantastic views and panoramas experienced from the top of the tower.
We could have spent all day up there with cameras and binoculars. On such a clear day, the views were to die for and I would recommend it to anyone going out there as a “must do”weather permitting of course.
At the café down below we were enjoying a drink when I heard the faint ring of my mobile hidden in my tank bag. WTF ? It was aj. “Err, we’ve had a slight mishap…Smileymiley has been nudged from behind whilst stationary, by a tvat in a Beemer! No damage”
Thank fook for that. “However, his dodgy shoulder got jolted and after riding 30 miles or so he can’t ride anymore.” “We issa fooked and iffin some coont can come and fetch him and his bike back I will buy the fookin coffees…Look sharp, we’re only 50 odd miles away from ya”!!!
After relaying the coordinates to PC Doc to put on his Tom Tom Rider and declining aj’s offer of route advice, me and the Doc rode back to the hotel, leaving the rest up at the Castle Café to enjoy themfookinselves.Dropping my Bird off, and filling my pockets with edible stuff earlier foraged at breakfast ( thanks again Marathon Man) we set off in search of Toot and Floot. Me as a pillion (for the first time since I really can’t remember) on the back of PC Docs Rocket III. Boy what a blast !
That is some monster tractor…Sheer brute power. We had a hoot going up the twisties coming out the other side of the Moselle Valley, bloody scraping the pegs, sorry foot plates. The Tom Tom had us howling in anticipation as it showed us the ridiculous twisties that were up ahead of us. Bloody paradise….trouble was we were on a Mission of Mercy so we couldn’t hang about. Mision of Mercy or not…the small pillion seat was cutting my arse in half and so we had to take a couple of stops to release the “numb bum”.
It was at one of the stops halfway up a valley side, harvesting a couple of apples in the glorious late afternoon Autumn sun, when I spotted a couple in the distance walking towards us. In the words of Victor Meldrew…”I don’t believe it” This was my worst nightmare… “PC Doc, can you see what I see?…please tell me I’m dreaming…please” Then Doc confirmed my worst fears…..the bloke walking towards us was aj’s double… “But aj is still about 20 miles east of us”. “Even worse then Doc, that means there’s two of the fekkas.!”
We got the poor bugger to pose for pics and tried to explain what we were laffing at but he was German.
We eventually found The Two Amigos standing forlornly on the corner of a big field at Weibelsheim, south of Boppard and was so pleased to see them that I punched Smileymiley in the shoulder….yep, his damaged one! I couldn’t believe I did that as he slumped and screamed in front of me. After getting Smileymiley on board the Rocket behind the Doc and me on his Silver Bird it was time to set off “home”. Following up the rear with aj in front and the Doc leading it took only a couple of miles before I was left behind. Fortunately Smileymiley had programmed his Zumo which I followed and once on my own and out in the country again I proceeded to have an early evening ball. A glorious evenings ride ensued on fabulous fabulous roads with fabulous views. Her, I stopped at Brodenbach overlooking the Mosel....with the sun setting I could’ve spent all evening there
One or two more stops for photos
and then a concerted effort to get back as soon as possible. I had a plan ! Smileymiley now wasn’t going to get a lap of the Ring in before we went home…I still had a lap left so I thought if I could get back in time, then at least Smileys Silver Blackbird could get a lap in….with me on board ! From then on I nailed it back, mightily impressed with the smooth power of his FI Bird. However when I got to the ‘Ring I found it had just closed 20 minutes early due to an oil spillage! Here’s Smileys Bird after being turned away from the ‘Ring.
Ah well! I made my way back to the Hotel to find everyone sat about outside and Smileymiley beaming to see his Silver Bird arriving intact. Deano was just tucking the Rocket up for the night whilst the PC Doc powdered his nose!
He’d gone straight to the local Hospital, paid his tenner, had a cortisone injection in his shoulder and was now as right as a bobbin.
By this time I was fooked and waived the evening meal
in exchange for a Mini Power nap. This worked well and the rest of the evening until the wee hours we all spent out on the balcony drinking every bottle of beer and wine we could find. A great finish to a glorious “week”.Sadly, Wednesday came too soon and after saying our goodbyes to the Crew who were staying on in Germany for a couple more days, we set off home. It was great to have Bodmin come to say goodbye
...and escorting us for the first few miles out of the area on his Bird
( unless he was just making sure we left!)…this just happened to be on his way to work, the utterly jammy bastid. Really nice to see ya Bodmin. Half hour further on and PC Doc waved goodbye as he steered away towards Ypres.
Always sad to wave goodbye innit.
With Smileymiley leading we rode an uneventful , diversion free route to Brugges where we spent a few relaxing hours in the afternoon .
A beautiful place to visit and I wish we’d had more time to spend there.
From Brugges it was a 5 minute ride onto the Ferry, this time with no hassle and a pleasant evening was spent drinking Strongbow and letching at the body of the female singer in “Los Whatsyernames”…God she was fit!
The sunset provided a romantic setting for some of us....
Arriving at Hull the following morning, that was it……finished, over…..but just when you think it’s safe to go in the water again….aj walks over to me as we’re sat, bags in hand waiting for the call to go to our vehicles/bikes .
“What have you done with my bike keys?”
“Who”
“You”
“Me?”
“Yea, you”
“What do you mean what have I done with ya bike keys”
“I can’t find them, you must have had them…c’mon hand them over ya coont…a jokes a joke…tint funny any more”
“Why the fook would I have had them”
“Cos you issa coont and you must’ve done summat to them cos I can’t find them”
“Fook off, I haven’t touched them ya knobsac”
“Well I can’t find them”
“Have you looked in ya coat and bags?”
“Yea”
“Have you checked the cabin?”
“Yea”
“FFS’s”
“Have you not got ya Yam keys or any spare keys?”
“Yea, but I aint got a spare immobiliser key”
“Go on , hand them over and stop being a coont”
“ I haven’t had them or got them, honest”
“Ya coont”
The next hour developed into a Monty Python sketch, sometimes shouting, sometimes swearing a lot and sometimes doubled up in hysterics
….we looked high and low….turned the cabin over several times, emptied our luggage, went and retraced our steps in the bar the night before, announced it over the tannoy.. “Has anyone found a set of motorcycle keys belonging to a coont?” Alas it all fell on deaf ears and eventually the inevitable happened…after doing one more search around where the bikes had been parked on the lower deck
we pushed aj off the ferry and down onto the quayside, where I took a couple of cracking pics before being made to erase them by Port Security…in case we were terrorists….So once erased, they walked away and so I took some more pics….fook um.
With the AA duly called (after initially acting very awkward) I sat and chewed the cud with aj while we waited for the Breakdown truck. Then the Big Black clouds appeared from the West, which was my cue to fook off and leave him to the mercies of the AA man.
What a brilliant end to a brilliant week.
Deano, PC Doc, ,aj, Wobbs, Jayne, Ladybird, Smileymiley, Blackmagic and Gill, Bodmin and Britta…….thanks to all of you that made it what it was ….. for your company and friendship on a memorable trip….This is what it’s all about.
A pleasure to read it Tim 
No More Putt Putt's 
