Snowdonia....Friday 12th May....for sure!

[jack]

Coffe, keyboard moment.

[Tim]

Totally agree Jack....bless him....



to Les....you provide soooooo much good material.

[Tigger]

WHO runs the pub for you?

[Tim]

Please accept my apologies for the length of this account. Any similarities to the Marx Brothers, Three Men in a Boat, Harry Worth and anyone else you may be reminded of are purely coincidental.


Preamble.. ..

Ahhhhh.. the Snowdonia Bimble...well what a day it was .Fantastic weather. An early start, everything going to plan, just like clockwork; meet up with Les at Venue 1, Knutsford Services yep, cock-on..and on to Venue 2, Shrewsbury Little Chef where we meet up with aj and Hugh Janus.also bang on time. A full cooked English later and the four of us are sweeping through fabulous roads all around North Wales..





and then I fookin woke up !!!

It's 05.00 and it's a glorious early Summers morning... oh is this gonna be good.
The 'Bird has been prepped and is all ready to go. Initial meet time for me and Les at Knutsford Services of 07.00- 07.30 altered by Les late last nights P.M. to 08.00-08.30 so I'm kicking my heels at 05.30, well I don't want to get to Knutsford too early do I?

Right then, it's half six, I'm off. I fire the 'Bird up and start to turn her 'round on the drive,but what's this ?
My Garmin SP III has turned a bit on the ball of the mounting rod running through the headstock !
awe feck, the rod wants nipping up. Bollox, I can't be arsed to piss about with that, I'm on a mission.
It's of no consequence anyway, I know the route and North Wales like the back of my hand. I'll just unclip it and leave it in the garage.

So, I kill the engine and undo the Ram Ball connecting mount.Damn !, just a bit too much..the thumb wheel thingy undoes too much and the end nut and washer drops off ..down into the fairing somewhere. It was at this time that I seemed to notice a slight increase in my blood pressure and the fact that a couple of beads of perspiration had appeared out of the furrows of my brow.

know, I'll get my telescopic magnetic rod from my toolbox in the garage to fish them bits out. The keys for the garage are in the house. The house is locked up . Unlock house, unlock garage, look in toolbox. Christ my eyes are getting worse, I saw it the other day.where the feck are my glasses? Sheeeeiiiite fook I've packed them in my panniers! Which fookin pannier though.??

The clock was now ticking rather loudly as I felt myself slowly sinking into a fookin great big hole that was appearing in my garage floor.
After emptying the left hand pannier to prove that my glasses were in fact in my right hand pannier, and then after repacking both panniers, I set about looking for the magnetic tool.

By now, it's helmet and jacket off as I am perspiring profusely . Just as I was about to put a large claw hammer into the front of my head to ease my stress level I find the magnetic tool. It was sticking out of the tool box waving at me after all couldn't see for looking could I ?!

It then crosses my mind what maxx2s reaction would have been if he'd witnessed this Chaplinesque performance, which is when I started giggling to myself hysterically.
The offending nut and washer are soon retrieved and the garage is locked back up. I glance up at the house windows and am relieved to see that my family are still fast asleep and not witnessing the Master of the House as he goes about his Rideout Ritual . I go and relieve myself, well I may as well now I've got my jacket off and the house is open !!! Oh dear. I feel my bowels moving slightly. Bugger it, I'll have a shit while I'm hear. Shit, I have to get my boots off to get my leathers down far enough to dump and after another 5 minutes of huffing and puffing I'm almost back where I started before I fookin dressed. But now I'm bloody sweating again as I kit back up again. Christ this is hard work.
Well, that's it, I dry my eyes ( from laffing and crying) , kit up and back on the Bird..by now, I am fookin late and need to get a move on


We're off. up to LadyBower Reservoir and over the Snake Pass. The Sun rises behind me, a glorious Summers morning with not one car on the road, the smells of Summer blossom, the pine trees, new leaves and fresh shit.fantastic ! Fast progress is made and I am soon nailing it down the other side of the Snake. Oh joy!
I soon make the Motorway and other than a bit of filtering on the M6, It isn't long before I'm pulling into the Knutsford Services. Hey up..its 08.05,. bang on time thank you very much.

But no Les.so I wait...and I wait. I try his mobile.ring,. ring,ring
why aint his phone auto answering at least ?? I try again...same.!

Feck. I remember that Les has changed his mobile and number. I have safely left his new number on the kitchen window sill.
Not one to give in, I phone Mrs Barsteward.

"Hello, it's Tim. have I got you up??

"Yes"

" Err, can you give me Les' new mobile number please?"

"Why, haven't you got it? I thought he'd given it to you"

"Yea , he did, but I forgot to bring it with me, and I need to ring him cos he hasn't turned up yet"

"You two are feckin useless"

"Yes Sue, we are"

She gives me his new number..Ha! I'm cookin again.

Ring, ring, ring, ring, fookin ring....nowt.zilch !

It’s now nine o’clock and aj has just phoned to say him and Hugh Janus are now at the Little Chef having having bacon and eggs. I tell him about the Swinefever breakout in the Shrewsbury area ….and that Les hasn’t turned up !!

At 09.20 I can feel the day turning to shit in my hands …� Fook this, I’m off�
I ring Mrs Barsteward and tell her “if Les rings….tell him I’ve gone straight on to Lake Bala and will meet him there and why the feck hasn’t he rung me?�
Call aj and inform him it’s too late for original Little Chef meet.
“ I’ll go straight to Lake Bala and meet you two there O.K?�
“ O.K. my son….he’s a tvat that Barsteward�
“ Yes Andy… he is�

09.23 and I leave Knutsford….I take a direct westerley route, but after getting involved with some unplanned but terrific B roads I realise that I am a tad off course …..as I enter Wrexham!
“ Don’t panic� I tell myself “ Keep the sun on the front side of your left shoulder�
I also shout and swear just a little…relieves tension.
I am soon progressing well down the A483 and instinct tells me to have a break and a think in a layby I am fast approaching. I park up behind a truck. And approach the driver
“ Excuse me driver, have you got a Road Atlas I can borrow for a minute please? “
“ Yea, sure mate. Anyway, I thought all you bikers had Sat Navs these days?�
I smile at him through my grinding teeth.
Right, I’ve got my bearings again. I ring aj and tell him I’m about ¾ of an hour from Llangollen.
He replies that him and HJ are already there. I turn the Bird round and head a few miles north to take the Llangollen turn off that I had earlier overshot only for aj to ring me again.
“ You’ll never guess who’s just fookin turned up� he taunted… It was then that the medication for my Tourettes suddenly wore off and I started swearing loudly, with aj laughing hysterically and Jimi Hendrix playing Voodoo Chile in the background the Bird suddenly picked up to silly speeds as I concentrated on impending violence…..it was quite a surreal moment….and scary too!

I was soon on the A5, tear-arsing by now through Llangollen and up and over the Horseshoe Pass to Lake Bala……more wonderful roads…tight testing twisties but with good vision and a cracking pace ….oh was I glad I’d got lost !


I arrived at Lake Bala around 11.30 and sure enough the Three Sat Navateers are sat outside a restaurant supping tea and smirking smugly…..! All is well again…how many Marx Brothers were there?
Once the fresh insults and customary introductory curses were exchanged Les explained that he’d posted a P.M very late agreeing to my original meet time of 7-7.30…but I didn’t go back on line and so never got the P.M!

So the tvat HAD got to Knutsford at 7.30 and at 8.00 and numerous phone calls to me in which he could only hear the wind replying, ( oh dear, I had earlier in the week fooked about with my Autocom settings and obviously haven’t got it quite right ) thought fook it and left…..10 minutes before I fookin arrived….and there's me thinking I’m on time.
The good news is that he rode all the way down to the Little Chef in Shrewsbury only to find they had already left…. @ Lezzie Ha !
“What goes round comes round....cnut � ........
Les couldn't offer an explanation about why his mobile wasn't picking up.....could hear him mumbling summat about reading a fookin instruction manual though !

Aj kept sniggering and chuckling and shaking his head….don’t know what he meant by “ Laurel and Fookin Hardy� and “ Chuckle Brothers�…over my head that all went.

Sat outside the restuarant in beautiful weather we refreshed ourselves with tea, a few photos and then we decided to try and get our Radios tuned in…aj shook his head and kitted up…cos when he’s ready….the tvat’s ready ! Well the three of us had 10 minutes of “ One Two, One Two…Can you hear me “…all to no avail. “ Ah well, we’ll have a play later….let’s crack on�

We set off across towards Ffestiniog…absolutely cracking , fast undulating sweeping bends……could ride these roads every bloody day …….until aj turned right….up a B road and not the direction I think we should go…….but hey…aj has got his Quest running the show…who am I to argue with the satellite Technology of the American Defense System. ….Up and over…fook me he’s got us off-roading now. :bigshock) Tortuous testing bloody good fun but hard twisties…17 fookin miles of them.

At last we’re down to Pentrefoilas…a smooth A road to Betws-y-Coed, Capel Curig and then down the wonderful Ogwen Valley….great wide U- shaped valley and a bloody fast road..again very little traffic. Stunning mountains surround us and we pull into a small café car park at the side of Lake Ogwen.

It was here that we decided to “bite the bullet� and once and for all take some time in the beautiful mid afternoon sun to tune the Radios in and “get ‘em working reet�.

So after refreshments and customary photos, and also after apologising to the old lady sat on the back end of her estate car supping tea, for my Tourrettes, it was time for the bike seats to come off and the PMR’s to come out to play !! With helmets donned and standing stoically by their bikes in the hot sun, we tried to contact each other a la Woodstock…..� One Two…..One Two……..One Two….Testing Testing�…..No fookin joy no matter what channel was chosen. Time to regroup….With my helmet off and PMR unplugged from the bike I walk around the car park…� One Two….One Two….Testing Testing “ I keep repeating it as I walk around. I glance at the old lady sat on the back end of the estate. She is shaking her head slowly in disbelief. She sees me looking at her and she smiles pityingly. Tvat !......................

Again we regroup.
“Are you sure yours is O.K. Tim?�
"Yes, Les. It worked fine last year with Badgers…and it worked not too badly with yours when we were last out�
“ Have you read ya manual Hugh?�
“ No Les, I haven’t�
“Have you read the manual Tim?�
“ No Les, I haven’t got one�
“You ought to get one Tim�
“ Have you read yours Les?�
Deep drag on fag.
“Err….no, not yet�
Well, that’s like Hitler extolling the virtues of Care in the Community…
“ You cheeky tvat�
“It can’t be mine…mine’s new�
“Yes Les, but Autocom fitted mine and Hugh Janus’…who fitted yours?�
“Err….me�
Howls of laughter followed….the old lady lowered the back door down a bit !
“ Check your connections Les�
“O.K………oh feck�
“What’s up Les?�
“ The fookin DIN plug aint connected up�
Les connects the DIN plugs together.
My sides are hurting a lot.
“Try that Tim�
“One Two, One Two, Testing Testing�
“Hey it fookin works..Ace�
“Fancy�
“What about yours Hugh?�
Hugh looks in the back of the cowl and ishly says
“Oh feck….mines not connected either�
I am crying…and aj has gone for a walk
“There you are Tim, now try that�
The same surprising results occurred and for some strange reason the radios will only work when they are fookin connected to the bikes.
The old lady on the back of the estate is also now crying…..

Happy that we now have our Autocom PMR’s working, Barsteward gets cocky and says “Whilst we’re at it and on a roll, wonder what’s up with this new MP3 player of mine ?
I ask him what’s wrong .... can’t he hear that either ?!
“ Oh no, I can hear it fine…….but it’s only been playing the one song all day!�
Well, I’m afraid that finished me off….here were four mature blokes with over a grands worth of hi tech electrical gadgetry attached to the bikes… but we get lost, can’t hear the mobile phone, can’t talk to each other and have to use hand signs, the phone doesn’t pick up and we listen to the same single song all fookin day long.

No Sue, it shoulda been “ You four are fookin useless�

After drying the tears it was time to kit up and move on. We still hadn’t reached the outward part of our modified route and it was getting on a bit ....like aj. Off we set…further on down the Ogwen Valley to Bethesda where we did our customary overshoot of the required left hander that would take us over to the base of Lllanberis Pass. No matter, the next turn off would do just as well. It was then that it dawned on me that today I had learned a new phrase…..� Off-route�..It’s not “de rigeur� so to speak, to say “ we’re fookin lost�…..the new phrase is now “ Off-route�. It will become very popular….I’m sure.
We made our way up some very tight B roads to a small village junction….aj shoots off left….a voice in my helmet says “ Off route� !!!…..and sure enough the three undertakers waiting outside the Chapel having a fag break during the service, agreed with me. With no sign of aj showing any repentance we had no choice but to follow him happy in the knowledge that we knew we were getting fookin lost , sorry…. “ Off Route�

Up the mountain we followed …and over……..and then at the next junction……back!! The three of us looked on in amazement as aj tore off. We knew he was going slowly back and like a fookin rabid lemming he just kept going. I tried to catch him and finally he stopped. There was a subtle clue he picked up which made him realise he, and us were “Off Route�….the fookin road stopped !…..yep there was a fookin fence across the road with and grass and lumps of slate on the other side. …that was it…. finished, ended . kaput…gone . aj had taken the hint… “We’re fookin lost�


After much laffing and swearing,(Groucho would have indeed been envious of our ad libbed farce) we’re back on track and down into Llanberis for a fag break and fuel up. This is where Les “skinned “ an old lady in the filling station for a quid….cos the fuel bill doesn’t register in the kiosk and she had to ask him how much he’d had !!! I was a bit slow there and missed out…..but I can’t wait to go back there.............soon !!!. But next time I'll be taking a couple of 1 gallon plastic cans in my panniers !

From Llanberis we rode up Llanberis Pass…a nice gentle, lazy ride of a few miles….taking in the towering crags and the rugged scenery…..bloody fantastic views…up to the National Trust Café and Car Park where we had our final stop before heading back. More coffee and pisstaking, followed by more photos.
Days like today you just don’t want to finish but by now it’s 4.00 p.m. and I have to be in work for 7.45 for the night shift !
So we say our goodbyes, throw a few last minute insults about and set off at a bloody good pace, back down through Capel Curig and Betws. At Pentrefoilas we split from aj and HJ and took a fookin superb Alston type moorland road up and over to Denbigh and Mold before hitting the main drag to Manchester.

Another final fag break at a Little Chef near Chester and an observation that there were some mighty fine looking thunder clouds building up behind us and we’re off again. Les peels off before Manchester and I plough on over to Mottram and up over the Woodhead Pass, the fourth Pass today……what a road to finish on after such good riding all day. ……and still no traffic…where have they all gone?
By the time I get over Woodhead to the sane part of the Pennines I see I am too late to call in at home….so straight to work for me…..I arrive with three minutes to spare.!
What timing, and what a fookin day.
Knackered but happy.
Thanks chaps.


I have only managed to post this today as that run and the immediate night shift has fooked me up for a few days. !!!

[John]

Its amazing but the 3 sat navaters being lead by the blind old fool made me find this





Can you hear me ?

[Shlink]

that was fooking hilarious. Couldn't tear myself away from the saga and now I'm running late for work... I'm off. Thanks for the entertainment.

[barsteward]

Fookin e'll Tim I was going to set off up to Heartside at 8.30 but I'm now going to have to change my underwear again .....looks like a 9.O'clock start now, and if I get caught in that fookin rain thisafo cause of this! ..............by the way sorted the MP3 player....there was only one track on it ...write 200 times I must read the instuction manual

[Tim]

POST REMOVED TO KEEP TIM HAPPY

...look, will YOU STOP shouting !

[John]

ok

[aj]

this was what it felt like all day ...3 with working wired to head set garmins....
and none of em would lead .... so map head here took em on a merry dance



"forkin twice i called the nastid.. and 2 times twice he wasn't pluged in....cnunt"



" have a cuppa tim....no...don't use yer lid it will foook yer garmin up"



"look what i've got... think they use to call em maps"



" this fooker works.... tells yer everything yer need to know... all i gota do now is remember it"



" if yer download page 6 and 7 .. i'm sure yer will be able to find yer way home"



" don't care what the garmin says ... i aint doin it...no fooookin tarmac that way"



regards
aj

[Tim]

[aj]

... did yer all spot timtvats little old lady in the first pic.... tryin to hide in the boot


... well... he used words i hadn't heared for some time... most of em started *** and finnished *** .. delivered at 250 decibells
by this time......she had had enough


regards
aj

[Tim]

Llanberis Pass....and these three are ogling a of fit female walkers as they do their "wind down" stretches before they boarded their Luxury Coach

aj contemplating how the fook he ended up with us



"CAN YOU 'EAR ME MOTHER?"....." Stop fookin shouting Hugh...and I aint ya fookin mother neither.....now shhhhhh...I'm listening to the Weather Forecast on my PMR"


....."I'm fooked if I know what's wrong with it Hugh"......" Me too Les..........



Given up and gone for a drink !

[aj]

Let's put it this way matey, I now know how to post Garmin maps to the web

.. no you fekkkin don't ... it's disapeared

regards
aj

[MaXX2]

Oh how I did ferkin larrrfffff and the memories did flood back... One question Tim- what reaction did you imagine I would have that had you in tears

Really do wish I could have made the day- I just fookin knew it was all gonna go right

[Hugh Janus]

Here's one of Tim outside his old school,

[MaXX2]

So that old dear looked a touch nervous eh?? Can't think why

[aj]

Here's one of Tim outside his old school,

snowwonder he has one hand in his pocket


regards
aj

[Ladybird]

Absolutely brilliant account of a day out.....I've larff'd and larff'd

Tim well done you should be put up for literary honours - I thank you.

It sounds like it was a brilliant day out - god you guys have some gadgets..

PS: I've resized one of the pic's so others don't have to scroll backwards and forwards to read the account.

[MaXX2]

Just read it again- just a fookin funny second time round - Hope QOTW mod is watchin

[duncan]

just read Tims saga
brilliant
went and got a 50p coin
heads I get a sat-nav + a autocom
tails I stick thorns in my eyes






thank ferk its tails
cheers tim

[Tigger]

Just read it again- just a fookin funny second time round - Hope QOTW mod is watchin

nah, hes still in his poffin..

well done timmy